#my god i think i am in love with this man for real
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# DREW STARKEY — THAT HOLLYWOOD TYPE OF LOVE !
MASTERLIST !
001. SUMMARY !
✯ who would believe a fashion show would be the place to spark a romance?
002. NOTE !
✯ first drew fic so please leave some feedback😁 also i love taylor so much like you guys don’t even understand. this also ended up longer than expected so excuse me and my inability to know when to end fics💔
liked by drewstarkey, francolapinto and 1,682,945 others
yourusername fashion icon, yay or nay?
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ynfan1 MOTHERRRR
drewfan1 drew liking….. we see you king
carlaciagrant Oh. My. God.
⤷ yourusername i love you so much
⤷ drewfan2 HELLO?????
ynfan2 how does she always look so good
ynfan3 serving face like it’s her duty
drewfan3 drew liked… laci liked… thinking thoughts
⤷ ynfan4 never thought i’d get a yn and obx crossover
ynfan5 FASHION ICON YAY YAY YAY
francofan1 franco get out of here LMAO
drewfan4 need to know what drew is doing here
ynfan6 why are yall talking about a man under my queen’s post
⤷ ynfan7 no fr i’m so annoyed rn
drewstarkey and yourusername updated their instagram stories!
liked by madelyncline, drewfan21, and 108,476 others
yndrewupdates drew and yn arriving together at a restaurant in paris!
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yndrewupdates MADELYN LIKED WTFFF
⤷ drewfan22 girl how are you alive
⤷ yndrewupdates I DON’T KNOW I’M STILL SCREAMING
ynfan21 wait are they matching that’s so cute
drewfan23 as a drew and harry fan i am conflicted
⤷ drewfan24 bruh… enjoy this and shut up
ynfan22 oh she’s taking it
drewfan25 when i’m in a power couple competition and they show up
⤷ ynfan23 LMAOOO i fear they’d win by a mile
ynfan24 shh guys we gotta keep quiet
liked by ynfan31, drewfan31 and 76,802 others
ynupdates YN at the ‘Queer’ premiere in Los Angeles (November 13, 2024)
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ynfan32 OMGGGG
drewfan32 wait is she matching drew or am i tweaking
⤷ drewfan33 she is!!!!
⤷ drewfan32 talk about maximising a joint slay
ynfan33 oh so it’s OFFICAL official
ynfan34 never not serving
ynfan35 THAT DRESS HAS ME DEADDD😩
drewfan34 don’t know if i wanna be him or her
ynfan36 i’m going insane
⤷ ynfan37 so so real
drewfan35 remember when it was just a crossover at a loewe show… what a time
yourusername and drewstarkey updated their instagram stories!
#*ੈ✩༄ my works !#drew starkey#drew starkey x reader#taylor russell#drew starkey x y/n#drew starkey x you#drew starkey x female reader#drew starkey fanfiction#drew starkey fic#drew starkey fluff#drew starkey one shot#drew starkey obx#drew starkey outer banks#drew starkey social media au#drew starkey blurb#outer banks#outer banks x reader#outer banks fanfiction#rafe cameron x reader
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Growing
I came home for Thanksgiving from college I had only been away a few months but I missed home. After the first night with mom and Dad. I met up with some of my friends.
I met up with Josh who was now hanging out with Devan. Josh and I went way back to grade school together. Devan was the star Basketball player I only knew by reputation. But Josh had some edibles and we all got pretty high hanging out in the old baseball field. A few other people showed up and added some drinking to the mix. At one point I was sitting in the dugout when Devan came over and sat next to me. He was really close. Like I could feel his body heat.
"So do anything crazy at school he asked me" I was pretty gone. And mumbled an answer. "Dana is has a great ass" he stated.
"She sure does, I love to get with her" I said. As I did I felt Devan's large hand slide over my crotch.
"What are you doing" I said startled. He pushed his finger to my lips and without a word shoved his hand down my pants. It was dark and no one could see. The drugs, alcohol or just stunned I didn't move as he gave me a handjob. As I came in my pants he just smiled and walked away. Later on the way home with Josh,
"So what's Devan's story?" I asked. I was straight and had never had a man touch me it just seemed so wierd.
"What do you mean?" Josh shot back nervously.
"Nothin, just how you to start hanging out" I asked
"He likes knows all the girls" Josh answered like that was an answer. "Rumor has it because he has a big dick"
"Yeah, that's what they say about all black guys" I said dismissing him.
It was a few days later. I was over at Lisa's house she was having a little party. Just about 10 of us. When I got up to use the bathroom Devan came up behind me pushing me in he quickly closed the door. He was a foot taller then me and much stronger. He pushed me against the wall and kissed me. His tounge forcing it's way into my mouth. His hand cupped my ass. I was powerless. I was shaking so scared. I felt his cock pressing against my leg. God was that all cock. I thought to myself. He unbuckled my pants his tounge still in my mouth. I still had to pee as he stroked my now hard dick. I started to kiss him back as he did. He used his other hand to guide me to his bulge. Curiosity got the best of me and I felt hos cock running my hand over it.
"I knew you like it" he whispered finally breaking the kiss. He again made me cum this time I shot my load on the bathroom floor.
"Ever been with a black guy" he whispered in my ear.
"No I am straight" I responded as he still had me pinned against the wall.
"Are you sure?" He smiled glancing down I realized I was still rubbing his cock thru his pants. I quickly pulled my hand away. Devan let me go and left I had to really pee now. As I came out a moment later. I ran straight into Lisa who was waiting for me.
"Paul" she said surprised. "Devan likes girlie boys" she said softly with a smile.
"What do you mean?" I asked like I had no idea what she was talking about. She handed me a pair of panties they where still warm. She just smiled. And walked away. Did she think I was gay? Was she hitting on me? What the hell should I do? I smelled the panties then stuffed them in my pocket. The party started to break up and I headed home. I was walking it was only two blocks. But as I turned the corner Devan stepped out of the shadows and grabbed me.
"We have some real privacy" he told me as he pulled me into his apartment.
"Devan, I'm not" I started but he started to strip me. I didn't fight him. I was in shock. Then he dropped his pants his cock coming free. He guided his hand down. I grasped his cock it was huge. I looked down placing both my hands on it.
"Show me your place" Devan hissed. I looked up at him. "Lisa gave you something" I nodded then looked down at my jeans.
"Put them on and kiss my cock" he ordered pushing me down. I put on Lisa's panties they were loose. Not having her hips to hold them up.
"You are skinny little thing" Devan laughed. I was kneeling staring at his cock. He smacked my face with the massive muscle. Then pushed it into my mouth. I had no idea what to do. I wasn't even experienced with girls doing this to me. I sucked and licked the tip. It tasty salty. I thought about his precum. And started to lick the sides of his cock avoiding the tip. He just stood there and let me do whatever I wanted. He eventually started to breath heavy. I knew he must be getting close and started to stroke him. He grunted as the first shot from his cock came out like a bullet hitting me in the face. He then stuffed the tip of his cock in my mouth. I gagged as he flooded my mouth with cum. It was awful. Devan picked me up. He held me my feet not touching the ground, I felt like a child.
"Lisa will help you, like she help you're friend Josh" Devan told me. He put me back down let me go rinse my mouth and clean my face before I got dressed. I don't know why but I kept Lisa's panties on wearing them under my jeans as I walked home. I laid in bed wondering why I had let Devan do what he did. I found myself getting aroused again. I shook it off and went to sleep
I woke in the morning to a text from Lisa. CAN YOU COME OVER TODAY
ABOUT 12 I responded. I got up and showered I didn't think about what had happened with Devan. I was more focused on being hopefully hooking up with Lisa.
"Hey sweety" Lisa smiled as she answered the door. I followed her inside. She led me straight to her room.
"So I heard you love big black cock" Lisa laughed.
"Who been saying that crap?" I said angrily.
"Don't sweety, I saw the video" Lisa smiled. "Now Devan would love you to be as femine as you can" Lisa held up a razor.
"Lisa I can explain" I started. She sat on her bed and waited for my explanation. "Devan forced me" I said. Lisa grabbed the remote and a video of me on my knees sucking Devon's cock started to play.
"Okay, I " I said dropping my head.
"Now Devan likes his pretty boys hairless" Lisa smiled. She had me strip. I found it exciting to be naked in front of her. She ignored it. Instead she lathered me in hair removal gel. I wanted to cry as I watched all my body hair simply wash off me and gather in the shower drain. Lisa waited for me to exit the shower. She handed me a fluffy towel. I dried myself off. Lisa handed me a pair of pink panties with little flowers and lace trim.
"They are Kathy's (her 14 year old sister) she watched as I slid them on. They fit not like the ones she had given me last night. Lisa sat me down and styled my hair. And applied makeup. Just as she finished I heard someone else was home. The door opened and in walked Josh.
Josh simple walked over to me and dropped his pants.
"It's okay Paulie, it's good practice" Lisa told me guiding my head to his cock. He was much smaller then Devan but still bigger then me. Lisa rubbed my nipples as I took Josh in my mouth.
"He doesn't even resist" Lisa said. "Not like you did" she commented to Josh. He was also hairless I realized.
"Are you going to fuck her?" Lisa asked.
"No Devan wants her virginity" Josh told her. "Maybe we should dye her hair blonde" the more they talked the more scared and excited I became.
"Lick his balls, men love their balls sucked ever so gently" Lisa told me. I did as she said. As I moved to do so I felt her hands pull my panties down. She rubbed lube against my asshole. And gently pushed her finger in. I cupped Josh's ass. As he came in my mouth. I gagged but tried to swallow his sperm.
Josh helped me up Lisa still had two fingers in my ass.
"Devan tried this shit on me. But I only let him stroke me off. I guess you just love cock. Faggot" He spat in my face.
"Don't you will make her cry" Lisa laughed. Lisa removed her fingers and pushed something harder and larger up my ass. She fixed my panties but the front was all wet.
"OH someone got really excited" Lisa laughed. She rushed out of the room and returned with fresh pair off panties. She had me change Josh sat on the bed and watched. She put a pantyliner into he baby blue panties with butterfly's all over them. She added a matching bra. She adjusted the straps. She then produced a off the shoulder purple dress it stopped mid thigh.
"Pantyhose!" Lisa said as if she remembered. And rushed back out of the room and returned rolling them up I sat as she slid them up my legs.
"Damn she looks hot, I would of fucked her years ago if I had known" Josh laughed. He grabbed my ass. Lisa added a simple necklace. And a spritz of perfume.
"These are going to be a bit tight" as she slid a pirate of heels on my feet. "Now sit and wait I am so horny now" Lisa said ripping her sweat pants off and jumping g in bed with Josh. I watched as he sucked her breasts and then fucked Lisa. All I could do was sit and watch. Josh came inside Lisa then got up.
"Get in there bitch and suck out my cum" Josh yelled. As Lisa spread her legs I could see his spank flowing out of her. Josh grabbed the back of my neck and shoved my head between her legs. I licked and sucked. I had only orally pleasured a woman once.
"She is all over the place. Baby just clean me don't worry about pleasing me" Lisa laughed. Josh smacked my ass driving the toy in my ass. I moaned so he smacked me again.
"Keep teasing him and I will have him eat your ass" Lisa told Josh. Pushing me away. She sat me back down and fixed my face. Josh laughed and left.
Lisa finished up and then led me by the hand out of the house.
"Lisa please no" I pleaded.
"Going to met up with Devan, you want to see him don't you?" Lisa continued to lead me down the street the toy in my ass gave me an erection. Lisa led me right into Devan's apartment. Devan smiled and stood up dropping his shorts. Lisa led me straight up to him. He kissed me I fell into his arms, kissing him back. He was naked and I kissed his chest.
"I want to fuck you" Devan told me. I was terrified he would split me in two. Lisa pulled my pantyhose and panties down and removed the toy. Then I heard her leave. Devan sat down and pulled me unto his lap. He held me as he guided his cock into my ass. It hurt as it started to enter my ass. He let me control the speed and depth. It hurt so much but I couldn't stop. I started to move up and down fucking myself on his cock. Devan bit my neck driving me to take even more.
"You're mine now" Devan told me in hushed tones.
"Always" I moaned. Devan stood me up. Not even removing his cock he bent me over and pushed his cock in deeper. I was crying as he did. He pumped his load into my ass. Before he pulled out his cock I collapsed. On the floor.
I woke up in a bed with satin sheets, in just my bra and panties. It was dark outside. I got up and wondered out to find Devan playing video games. My ass hurt so much I could barely walk. Devan was still naked. He motioned for me to join him I went to him he pulled me down next to him and spread his legs. I knew what he wanted and started to suck his cock. As soon as he got hard he produced a tube of lube. I lubed up his cock and he lubed my ass. Then guided me back to his lap. My ass was already hurting but couldn't say no.
I let him move me up and down on his cock.
"Everyday you are going to ride this cock" he told me kissing me. "As much as I want"
"As much as you want" I moaned as I felt his balls against my ass. He got it all inside me? I wanted this. I spent the night with Devan. In the morning Devan walked me home. I wore my dress and heels only thing I had. Devan came in with me and met my mom. My mother was shocked but pulled me into the kitchen to talk privately.
"I need him mom" I said with passion in my eyes.
"My baby got fucked good" she smiled. "He's cute too. But we need to handle this differently with your dad" my mother told me,
"I will be staying with him" I told my mother. She just nodded. And Devan took me back to his place. BOth Lisa and my mother stopped by the apartment the next few days both bringing me clothes, makeup. Mom even bought me earrings and her mother's pearls.
Lisa pierced my ears. Devan continued to train my ass, and throat. On Thanksgiving we went to my parents. I wore a purple flower print dress with 3 inch heels. I had false c cup breasts. Devan sat with my dad and watched football. I was dismissed to the kitchen. My father didn't say a word. Mom had told him but I didn't know how much. The whole family was informed ahead of time. So although I got some sideway glances. No one said a word. Devan had taught me to be quiet unless asked a question so I sat quietly. After dinner my father came up and said.
"You got a good man there" he smiled and kissed my cheek. He also didn't raise a stink when I didn't return to school instead taking some home economic classes at local trade school.
Devan paid for me to get breasts he insisted on a pair of D cups. Also had all my body hair permanently removed. My name was officially changed to Pauline and we where married at a big service 2 years later. I know Devan goes off and fucks a real woman sometimes but I never bring it up. Lisa was my matrain of honor. At my bachelorette party Lisa had me get Devan name tattooed on my ass.
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He's real! | Horseman!Gambit x Reader | Pt. 3
Author's Notes: i am so sorry this one is short i just couldn't think of how to continue it without another big plot device that i wanted to save for the next chapter. @genderqueerbarbie777 beta read again :3
Summery: The X-Men come to save you and meet an unfamiliar familiar face.
Themes: ANGST, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Death, Previous Relationship, Betrayal, Cameos, Crying, Cursing, Death, Kidnapping, Panic Attacks (R's), R's a mutant/x-man (no powers described), Violence.
Word Count: 1.2k
first pt , prev pt
You cough as you feel Gambit quickly undo your bindings, letting you move freely as rumble and dust fills the room. You hear voices, besides his, calling out your name. You look at the man with his arms around you, eyes wide with fear, not knowing what's happening.
"Let 'em go, bub." You hear suddenly, looking to see Wolverine come from the smoke. He pauses as he looks at Remy, tilting his head. "Who the fuck are you?"
"Back off, Logan." Remy hisses, making the other man unsheathe his claws.
"What the- Yer not da Cajun. Ya can steal his looks an' voice, but you can't-" Wolverine is cut off as he smells the air, taking a step back.
"Wolverine!" A voice from the smoke, one you recognize as Scott's. "Who are you talking to-" He looks at Remy, hand rising to his visor. "Gambit?"
Your eyes widen as you see the two X-Men in front of you, looking at Gambit as you realize what's going to happen. Gambit grabs his baton with a smirk, "Don't worry, cher, I can handle myself." He extends and spins the rod before holding it at his side.
"Gambit, no!" You yell out, grabbing his by the sleeve of his coat, "P-please, you don't have to fight with Apocalypse!"
Remy looks back at you, his smirk fading as his brow furrows. He doesn't respond as he looks at Scott and Logan, who slowly approach. Gambit backs up, shielding you with his arm as he feels you press against his back. He narrows his eyes at his ex-teammates.
"Remy, you're alive?" Scott asks, his voice breaking slightly as he looks between the two of you. "That's... impossible!" The shaky air of the situation, glancing between all of the people in front of you, you can't help my shiver.
"Gambit!" You and Scott yell out in unison, Remy being sent back with a yellow blast that came from the palm of Mister Sinister. You run over to him and cradle his face in your hands before searching for his pulse point. "Please, please, God, fuck!"
"Don't worry, cher. Gonna take a lot mo' 'an that to knock ol' Gambit down." he says weakly, using his baton to sit up, You press your hand against his chest, holding him down as you continue to make sure he's okay.
"Come on, no, you're not going anywhere." You murmur, eyes looking over him as you spot something a little too late. A terrible, stupid mistake. Gambit cries out in pain as a green, sharp plantlike object goes straight through his chest, your eyes widening as you gasp. "Remy!" You cry, tears streaming down your face.
He grabs your face, barely able to move as he sinks down to the ground, sliding deeper on the hardened, mossy wood. He laughs softly as he looks up at you, eyes wide. "Mon amour, don't cry.... Gambit's bounced b-back from... worse" He talks, blood dripping from his lips and into your palm as you cup his cheek.
You press your forehead against his, shushing him softly as your tears fall down onto his face, "No, no you're not making it out of this.... please, please.... I love you." Your voice shakes as you weep, "Please, don't go, Remy, please..."
"Like you said, petit, I ain't goin' n'where." He laughs, clearly hurting himself as he does. He looks past you as Scott stands above the two of you. "Hey, Scotty boy..."
"Gambit, I-" Cyclops starts, putting his hand over his mouth as he truly takes in the sight. "I'm so sorry-"
"Naw, it's ain't nobody's... fault." Gambit groans, clearly trying to make his last moments slightly more comfortable. His eyes gaze back into yours, his pupils dilating and the red of his irises disappearing. "Don't beat chaself up. It was bound t' happen. This Cajun been kickin' a little too easy lately."
"Don't say that, no, Remy, please." You sob, pulling back and looking at the green, harden wood spear through his chest, trying to figure out what to do. You look up at Scott, eyes bloodshot and vision blurred by the constant flow of tears. "Please, we have to do something, Cyclops! Please-" you grab Scott's legs, "-we gotta keep him alive, please..."
"Remy, please..." You put your arms around him, holding him back, "Come back with us." You whisper softly, your nose planted into his shoulder blade.
"Listen to 'em, ya don't wanna make 'em start crying like last time, Cajun." Logan said, pulling off his mask as he looked at the two of you, taking another step forward.
Gambit's eyes flicked between the two in front of him and then you behind him. He sighed slightly before crackling a smirk. "I mean, you said it yourself, cher. You don't love me." He pushes you, throwing you into Wolverine's arms as he growled slightly. "You loved da old me, and I 'ain't him' huh?"
Cyclops put his fingers back up to his visor as he looked back at Gambit, "Remy-" He starts, quickly being cut off.
"Nope. Wrong number, mon ami." Gambit laughed darkly, "Name's Death." He smirked, running a hand through his silver locks before grabbing a card, lighting it with kinetic energy before throwing towards the feet of you and Wolverine.
"God damn it, not an'ther brainwashed idiot." Logan growls, pulling you away, "Come on, you ain't in no shape t' fight." He picks you up in his arms and slowly start walking backwards, looking between Scoot and gambit. "You got this, Cyke?"
"Yeah, I can handle him. Bring them to safety and head back A.S.A.P."
"Don't gotta tell me twice." He chuckles, slipping into the still dust cloud behind you both, "Jean! Storm!" He yells out, walking towards the hole in the wall where a door used to me. You tense as you realize more of the team are here, whether it be to save you or defeat Apocalypse, you can't believe that they found you so quickly.
Even if it was true you didn't know just how long you were down there, but by the look on everyone's faces when Logan brought you to them told you anything, it was quite a while. Wolverine sets you down next to Jean, who quickly holds you upright, "You alright?"
You nod, watching Wolverine turn back towards the room. "Storm, with me. Jean, take 'em outta hear. It might get ugly."
"No, please!" You call out, reaching for Logan's shoulder, "Don't hurt him! H-he's still in there, I'm just... stupid. I upset him."
Logan's eyes narrow at you before he rolls them, putting his mask back on. "Doesn't matter. That's not Remy, not the 'ne we knew."
"But he is! He remembers everything, he remembers us. All of us, I'm sure. He remembers me, specifically. And, I'm sure he... he cares deep down." You look at Jean, your face filled with as much worry as your voice. You sniffle slightly, "Please... don't kill him."
There was a silence between the X-Men for a few seconds before one sighed. "They're right. Gambit's still, well... himself." Jean said, walking in front of Wolverine. "If anyone can convince him to come back, it's them." She nodded towards you, a soft smile on her lips.
You didn't even have to ask what she meant, and she didn't tell you. You collected yourself before standing between Jean and Logan, looking towards the room where Scott was fighting Gambit, the sounds of cards exploding and lasers hitting walls echoing through the hall. "Let's go before one of them kills the other."
"My bet's on the Cajun"
"Shut the fuck up, Logan."
#apocalypse#apocalypse x men#black gambit#black gambit x men#deathbit#gambit#gambit x reader#horseman gambit#horseman of death#horseman remy#remy lebeau#remy lebeau x reader#remy lebeau xmen#x men#x men 97#x men apocalypse#x men black gambit#x men comics#x men movies#x men x reader#x reader#xmen#xmen gambit#xmen x reader
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Howdy.
I dip into the Fallout New Vegas tag here on occaision and, after sifting through the crude yaoi, soft core robot pornography, and facebook-era middling memes, I will on occasion find posts that grant me even greater appreciation for this decade-old game I hold so close to my heart.
Your recent one regarding Joshua Graham was one such post. As an agnostic man, it is hard to begin the arduous task of looking into spirituality and identity exploration without running into miles and miles of con artists, swindlers, and frothing fanatics (that plus I'm lazy). Yet when I cross paths with one who is learned about a topic i am ignorant of, and I have the presence of mind to listen, I always want to try to make sure my appreciation known for the wisdom they share.
So, thank you for your post. I think the history and connection between the game and in real-life is fascinating to no end, and I want to express my gratitude for your sharing your view of it. The lenses of others may be cracked, clouded, or otherwise obscured to us, but I think it is always wise to try and see through them ourselves, and if not, then to try and imagine.
Thank you again. Cheers.
I'm just cheered you spent the time to read it. When I was in the process of leaving Mormonism, I studied it obsessively. It
it did not make leaving easier. It's easier to love people than ideas. The more I learned about the history, the more I could see the church in it's granularity - as a huge, lumbering group of people, shaped by pain and loss and hope.
I miss them. I don't really see the hand of god in my people's history. But I do see the power of hope, and faith, and to some degree, fury.
I appreciate everyone that holds those feelings with me. I felt a little alone in the exmo world. But I don't feel alone reading notes like this.
Best regards,
Babylon
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Finally got around to playing Mouthwashing and god damn is this gonna be one of the games that sticks with me for a while. because like, what the fuck? (in a good way dw)
Spoilers below the cut! (CW: rape, pregnancy, cannibalism, suicide, Jimmy.)
Honestly the biggest thing that surprised me about my experience with the game and the so far two days since my completion of it, is Curly. Fucking Curly. i have a love-hate relationship with this man. because on one hand i can genuinely believe in his competence as a captain, but on the other... he utterly failed Anya (and the rest of the crew to by extension) by showing blatant nepotism towards Jimmy due to their being friends by not doing anything about him actually just straight up RAPING Anya and getting her pregnant.
Like, don't get me wrong, if Jimmy wasn't the whiny egotistical jackass that he was i fully believe the crew would've completed the journey just fine and gotten paid (even if they where gonna be jobless afterwards anyway due to the company going bankrupt). But this one fucking failure of his, this one fuck up due to a personal fault, singlehandedly doomed the entire fucking crew and condemned him to not only watch, but to outlive all of them by a long time. And by the time he realized his mistakes, it was far, FAR too late for him to do anything. All he could do was laugh as Jimmy picked up the gun.
And this man really stared his failures in the face when Anya took her own life in front of him, and he was the one to tell her that the medbay could be locked no less! And he had to watch Jimmy kill Swansea, and then eventually himself, after forcefeeding Curly his own leg and putting him in the cryopod. Curly essentially paid the price of his own actions, as well as paying the price for Jimmy's (who he is partially responsible for the actions of as his captain, best friend, and as someone WHO KNEW DAMN WELL HE RAPED SOMEBODY).
But at the end of the day i don't believe Curly is some belligerent psychopath who went out of his way to be just as bad as Jimmy himself, Curly is a person who let his social nature and friendship turn into favoritism and complacency with the status quo, ultimately trying to preserve it much to everyone's detriment.
I genuinely believe Curly cares about his crew, I really do. And i like that about him. But his mentality as a captain to preserve the status quo was a big part in why Jimmy was able to do what he did. It's not like the signs weren't there even not accounting for what happened to Anya, it literally would've been written all over Jimmy's psych eval, Anya herself even points it out to him. The man is not well and shouldn't have been allowed on the ship (though corporate bullshitery was also partially responsible for this as i am not blind to this games anti-capitalist themes).
I think that's about all i have to say though and i suck at concluding long winded stuff like this so TL:DR Swansea should've been captain, He's a real one and actually has a spine.
(i will almost certainly edit this if i think of anything i want to add or correct about my takes.)
#mouthwashing#captain curly#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#yes i believe curly is a bad captain because he's a spineless coward who didn't do anything about jimmy im not trying to defend him here.#I do legitimately love this games writing tho i love that i can hate characters like this while still being able to enjoy the game.
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Okay Arcane Season 2 Final reaction -Episode 7
I am freaking the FUCK out
In case anyone is wondering, Jinx is my favorite, I want happiness for her, don’t get me wrong I love all the others but if she’s not happy by the end of this you won’t ever see me again
Opening vinyl-I literally stopped breathing ID THAT EKKO AND JINX AGSJRBLDJ?!?!
My king Ekko, where have you been all this time. Please come home we miss you
EKKO?! And is that little drawing Jinx??
OH ALTERNATE UNIVERSE TIME BABEY so many fanfics are going to go off this I can tell
EKKO!! He looks so handsome and alive!!! (My hopes for these characters ARE VERY LOW AS YOU CAN TELL)
Jinx looks so cute!!!
BENZO!! Oh my fucking god is this going to be a Happy Universe that NONE OF THEM ARE GOING TO GET?! I’m going to throw myself off a cliff.
Oh my god no one ever address Ekko’s trauma with Benzo I’m so glad they’re doing it THAT WAS HIS DAD!!
This is cruel. This is just cruel how DARE they give us a happy au
No Netflix I will not skip the intro fuck off
AAAAW EKKO NOO SEEING EVERYTHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN
God Jinx looks SO CUTE I need so much fanart of her
Ps I know this is technically Powder, I’m too lazy to constantly switch names so Jinx
Also does she have a pink streak in her hair? I don’t like the implications of that
Aaaaaw they’re partners :((((
MYLO AND CLAGGOR HOW FUCKING DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU OH FUCK OH GOD
Wait omg “Trouble in paradise” TIMEBOMB?!
I have gotten through THREE MINUTES OF THIS SHOW
Oh that cute Jinxer is here woo! Lmao Mylo is so real.
Aaaw Claggor he’s trying to help the city and he cares about his little sister AND HOW FUCKING DARE YOU ARCANE
AAAW JINX TRYING TO HELP MYLO FUCKING HELL ARCANE
“WHAT WOULD THEY DO WITHOUT YOU” JESUS CHRIST ARCANE
Okay this isn’t funny anymore where’s Vi
Okay but is it OUR professor?! (I can’t spell his name)
IT IS!!
Okay but WHY what’s happening with Jayce?!
VI VI VI VI VI
OH NO JAYCE WHY CANT HE BE HAPPY TOO?!
Ooooh his HAMMER is why he got sent to the apocalypse au huh
Is that evil Viktor. Is that the Machine Herald? IS IT TIME FOR GLORIOUS EVOLUTION?!
Wow I was just joking with the apocalypse au but it really was it huh?
Aw I like that Jinx kept her workshop
Is that a heart. Around a picture of them. IS TIMEBOMB ACTUALLY CANON IN THIS UNIVERSE?!
Wait, is this THEIR WORKSHOP?!
FUCK I KNEW VI WAS GOING TO BE DEAD GOD DAMN IT
Oh this isn’t happy at all :(
OH FUCK THIS ISNT HAPPY AT ALL
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SHOW ME THAT HOLY HELL?! OH MY GOD THERE WAS NO REASON FOR SHOWING ME THAT
Way to hammer it in Arcane for no fucking reason other than MAKING ME CRY YOU PIECE OF SHIT. LIKE I GOT IT. VI IS DEAD IN THAT UNIVERSE. DIDNT NEED TO SHOW ME HER SIBLINGS REACTING TO HER DEATH
GLORIOUS EVOLUTION HORROR
Oh god not doomed Timebomb IN THE FUCKING HAPPY AU
Poor Jayce just has to fucking go through it huh
Wow that is an understatement.
Okay but MelJayVik crumbs ILL TAKE IT
YEAH THE PERSEVERE JAYCE!!!!
NO STOP MAKING ME CRY WITH THE HAPPY AU
There’s not much I can say with Jayce other than holy fuck this poor man
God they could have been partners. They could have been the brightest minds in all of Zaun. They could have been HAPPY. I fucking hate this show why would you show me this. I’m never going to recover
HE BROKE TIME BABY!!! FOUR SECONDS BACKWARDS LETS GOOOO
God they are so in love. God this is going to kill me
Oh my god the fanartists and editors are going to MURDER me with the “Do you think we together in every universe” trend aren’t they?
SILCO?! ZAUNDADS CANON?!
Ekko hold on. EKKO HOLD ON.
Oh my god this reference to season 1 episode 4 how fucking dare you
HOW DARE YOU MAKE TIMEBOMB CANON LIKE THIS?! AURRRGGGHHHH
Ripping my hair out. Clawing my eyes out. Beating my chest until it caves in. This is everything I could ever want. HOW. DARE. YOU.
I love them. I love them so much. Why would you do this to me.
IM GOING TO BE FUCKING SICK
#uni talks about the universe#arcane#jinx arcane#ekko arcane#Benzo arcane#vi arcane#caitlyn arcane#ISHA IS ALIVE TRUST#I decided to write out the tags before I finish the rest of the episode#I might add more later#expect a tone shift#Jayce arcane#Viktor arcane#Vander arcane#time bomb????👀👀👀#yes I am a timebomb shipper#despite the doom of it all#arcane claggor#mylo arcane#I CANT BELIEVE I HAVE TO ADD THOSE TAGS#oh real quick#arcane season 2 spoilers#for blocking purposes#timebomb canon#but at what cost#timebomb#jinx x Ekko#I LITERALLY WANTED THIS SO BADLY#AND I HATE IT
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AGAIN, NO SPOILERS just wildly out of context reactions i love folk music so much. anyway I’ll be writing all my thoughts here for the rest of these 28 mins. so.
• this song is so so good
• jayce u sexy man 😝 love my glorious goat jayce love him
• short haired jinx ily so much ur soooo cutie pie she’s so sweet with short hair u guys do not get it.
• heimerdinger CAN SING HELLO????
• ekko😍 ekko oh my GOD come home i’m so in love with you it’s actually sick and twisted and deranged please come home please please please please please please please
• JAYCE COME HOME RIGHT FUCKING NOW OH MY GOD NO COME HOME OH NY GOD COME HOME WHAT THE SHIT�� jayce my glorious king im so so in love w u and i’m so sorry this fandom doubted u I NEVER DID KING!!!
• jinx & ekko r so fucking funny idk yall i think im kinda nailing their dynamic in my fic both the good and the bad parts
• okay i miss her long hair real bad
• ekko drops the hardest lines. “Sometimes taking a leap forward means leaving a few things behind.” EKKO UR SO RIGHT (guess what’s going in the fic yall)
• the hard cuts between jayce n ekko rlly r fryin me yall. im so lucky im sober bc if i was high watching this episode i would tweak out so bad.
• heimerdinger makes very valid points n im so happy ekko has him
• ekko in green😍🫶🏽 ekko in GREEN!!! oh lord the arcane graphic design team knew exactly what they were doing GET THIS MAN HIS GOLD JEWELRY AND SOME EMERALD GREEN THREADS STAT!!
• jinx🥹 she’s so cutie patootie😍 IF EKKO DONT WANT HER I DO MF MOVE!!!
• i fw this song its french i fw it heavy
• chat is it gay to look at the moon w ur bsf underneath some fairy lights? in this scenario its not GAY but its gay. (i use gay as a substitute for so many words i could not tell u what word in substituting w gay rn but it’s something)
• OH MY FUCKING GOD OH MY GOD YES YES YES WE R SOOOO BACK WE R SO BACK YES YES YES YES YES YES TES YES TES TES YES YES YES WOOOOOOO
• jayce😍 (i miss mel but i also missed my two favs like one missed air soooo) also sorry guys i know this is just how the arcane looks but these holes r freaking me out so fucking bad. like idk the trypophobia it rlly making it hard guys. i’m trying my best to push thru im sorry guys but im probably missing pivotal moments of plot everytime i look away
• HOLY SHIT JAYCE?
• HOLY SHIT HEIMERDINGER!!!
• STOP I FORGOT HOW HE LOOKED PRE-THIS ARC HES SO 😍
• everyone said i would be crying but i am not?? was i supposed to??
• at the end of the day? i got what i wanted n idgaf. crossing this off the bingo card for three things i got right. if episode 8 gives me the other two then i win
live tweeting tweeting arcane part III (NO SPOILERS) yall ekko is so fine im abt to cry😭
#arcane part 3#reactions to this lowkey cute shit#episode 7 was a palate cleanser and i appreciated it immensely#fan service that isn’t gay for once n shockingly i still enjoyed it. strange.
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!!!
#no bc he's such a deep and sensitive person too!!#his dance show he invited me to was about the essence and the soul of each person. each little thing and it was MARVELOUS#his choreos was so intriguing and story telling#and he's so good with words#he always makes these speeches to the kids instead of just scolding them and i melt because you can see that he's such a thoughtful person#he's the most intriguing and interesting person i've ever met#so sweet and kind too#my god i think i am in love with this man for real#kinda bad bc i know i'm gonna get heartbroken sigh#my boss says he's very good person but sometimes he can be a bit dumb and yk what she's right#but i also like my men a little bit dumb so.#somebody help me#im sorry im ranting about him nonstop sjdfekc#it's just that i can't talk about this with anyone#nora purtroppo parla
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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The worst part about trying to figure out what Crocodile's deal is that because he's so fucking irredeemably evil in Alabasta... Like... Yeah he's just irredeemably evil. Like I love him but he did cause countless casualties, a ton of pain and suffering and literally attempted to blow up a million people
Like no amount of theoretical "trying to do it to save his son from the Government" or "trying to stop the Government from hurting anyone else" or just "doing it for the greater good" is going to make him any less of a mass murderer
But also Robin absolutely 100% helped with all of that shit simply because she wanted to read the Poneglyph for herself.
No amount of her intending to betray Crocodile from the begining and sabotaging his plans erases the fact that Robin also caused countless people to starve to death and die in the civil war. Her sabotages only succeeded out of sheer luck, and only spared the lives of the people at the final battle. She has the blood of countless innocents on her hands. Because she wanted to read history.
But her crimes were swept under the rug because she has a sad backstory and her sabotages worked out just at the nick of time by sheer dumb luck
So Croc??? Just??? Is there a chance??? At all???
But also he did literally intend to sell Buggy into slavery
Like, fuck Buggy, but jesus
What's also killing me is that we like. Don't know what Luffy thinks of Crocodile right now. Which really is like. The thing that will decide how we, as the readers, are supposed to feel about Crocodile. Luffy is our POV
Like we don't know what Luffy's opinion of Crocodile is after he helped save Luffy (and spared Ace once) during the Summit War. Like Luffy clearly fucking hated the man in Impel Down and the two interactions they had during the War weren't like positive (in the sense that Luffy himself didn't think of the interactions as particularly positive. Defending Whitebeard from being attacked once and then being like "wait what HIM?!" when Crocodile defended Ace. To be fair, in the midst of the chaos, there wasn't much time to spend on Pondering On Such Things because Ace needed to be saved, and Oda goes out of his way to not show us what's going on inside Luffy's head, because it's all meant to be out in the open anyways. Regardless, these weren't like "yay it's Crocodile! :)" moments for Luffy is what I mean)
But also Luffy was very grateful of Law for saving his life and was willing to put his trust into Law for their alliance- of course, they weren't explicitly enemies to begin with, rivals at most, but still. Luffy respects those who help him.
But also Luffy grew during the timeskip. Like he's not that clueless anymore (like he finally understands Hancock is in love with him etc), and similarly Luffy gets that Buggy is an absolute loser now. But also Buggy did also help save Luffy's life (even if it was by accident), and while IDK if Luffy is aware of that, I don't think that helped improve Luffy's impression of Buggy
So like. The fuck does Luffy think of Crocodile, at this moment? Even with the Cross Guild reveal, he didn't even really comment on Croc and just focused his energy on being confused about Buggy being "the leader" of CG. IDK it feels almost intentional or something, that we don't know what Luffy thinks?? Especially since we did get Zoro's opinion on Mihawk in the situation?? Or am I delulu?? (Sidenote. I'd love to know what Robin would have to say about Crocodile helping save Luffy's life. What Jinbei might think of the final words Crocodile left him with before blasting them out of Akainu's reach. But mainly just Robin's thoughts)
Like IDK my best guess would be that Luffy still hates Crocodile just the same but is like grossed out by technically owing him one??? In the classic
-kinda way, you know? And that he'd be just kinda confused about it?
Because I can't fucking imagine Luffy being like "oh we're cool now" with Crocodile, let alone "Yay Crocodile :) He saved my life!". But also like. Luffy does kind of owe Croc one. Kind of. And Luffy is usually very respectful of that kind of thing. Aaaaaaaa???
(Also does. Does Luffy even know it was Crocodile who yeeted him and Jinbei out of Akainu's reach to begin with. 'Cause he was unconcious. Knocked the fuck out. Does. Does Luffy even know. Did anybody tell him???)
I just.
There's the reasonable part of me that knows Crocodile is an irredeemable evil dickbag and everything he has ever said and done up to the most recent chapters support that. He is too far gone.
And then there's the absolutely delulu part that loves a tragic villian who gets a heartwrenching redemption that's looking for any fucking sign that could indicate Crocodile could maybe be one
#Moon posting#OP Meta#OP Spoilers#Sir Crocodile#Crocodad#Haunted by thoughts of one (1) evil middle aged man#IDK I was rereading Punk Hazard today while on the train and just. God there's like no difference between Alabasta Croc and Ceasar#I mean there is but no there isn't. Dude was doing essentially the same shit just this time with much more child abuse#And we all agree that Ceasar is scum of the earth and irredeemable.#But also he was doing everything PURELY out of self-interest without ANY sad backstory to counter balance it#I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE MAN I AM LOSING MY MARBLES#Kuma Flashback I Love You but I need to know what the fuck is happening with Crocodile so bad pleeeaaase#There's also like that note about Kuma saying he'd be wiling to make a deal with the devil just to protect his daughter#And If Crocodad Real. What a greater evolution of that but being wiling to BECOME the devil himself to protect your child#Also sorry about the Buggy slander but also not sorry. All that man is good for is being a punching bag for comedy as far as I'm concerned#He's very funny I'll give you that. And I'm looking forward to him and Shanks getting married
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❗️LIFE IS STRANGE: DOUBLE EXPOSURE SPOILERS❗️
Okay so when are we all gonna talk about Safi cradling Max's face while she asks her if she'll wait for her
#i genuinely got weak in the knees just now remembering it. like i think i might need to replay that last section just to see it again#and god. max's soft smile. the way she ever so slightly leans into it. im gonna pass out#my fatal flaw is i will forgive a LIS woman for just about anything. the chloe apologist to safi apologist pipeline is REAL.#like words cannot describe how in love i am with this fictional girl. i want you all to ignore the fact that i am a gay man for a moment#when i play life is strange i am not <3. no questions PLEASE.#LIS#Life is Strange: Double Exposure#Max Caulfield#Safi Llewellyn Fayyad#SaField#[ RJ ]
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I am still alive and I brought you all a gift because it took me so long to post. (That definitely didn’t take long)
So this sound trends on tiktok and I immediately thought of those two. My brain just couldn’t bare the thought that they might never be drawn/edited like that...
but then I realized, I can draw...I HAVE THE POWER!
So I took it in my own hands.
Have fun with this, It might take a while until I am back...tho I do try to be more active. But for now, enjoy the love (and a bit of angst/past trauma.)
Pretty obvious what I was trying to do, right?
It's kind of the fact that Barbara will always have this trauma, this pain that he caused. Even tho she can infact learn to love him again, there will always be this ever so small fear of getting hurt like he did before. She forgave him but she dosen't fully trusts him, at least not yet.
Also Walter reaches after her in his troll form but slowly stops in his human form. He let's her go, he let's the past go, his old self. He realizes that trying to appear more like human self is not the way and that she will only let him in if he is himself. If he is what he was forced and lived to become. A Changeling, tho not a Monster anymore.
I did try to include my headcanon Design for post-Eternal night. Obviously Barb is a little over the top (it's more a outfit for dates) and a new coat for Walter. I would say this takes place like 3-6 weeks after they defeated Morgana, so Walter dosen't really tried to ✨️express✨️ himself fully with his clothing...and i wanted to draw him in his old Design but also in MY and little new style so yeah. NO human clothes for my man. He has no shame, walking around half naked.🤭
Also small headcanon, Barbara likes him better with longer hair and his new style (mixing human/troll together). It makes him look and ferl like a new person and makes it easier for her bc she can see his true self, wich is a bit of both his forms. It's a reminder that not everything he said was a lie.
Do you all know this "She fell first, he fell harder"? Well I firmly believe it's them. Although Walter probably fell first AND harder.
#trollhunters#walter strickler#barbara lake#stricklake#toa strickler#toa trollhunters#stricklander#strickler#waltolomew stricklander#tales of arcadia#kind of animation???#my art <3#i love it.#I am a bit done with my brain...it dosen't want to work anymore#God I hope this is good enough#maybe I should post my headcanons about them#I love to talk about how they changed after the eternal night#I could read so much about it#Also barbs hair is inspired by the concept art she had. I believe toodrasticallydumb also drew one 😉#also WALTER WITH LONG HAIR#I picked that headcanon up and made it canon#as well as Brab braiding his hair AND him having piercings.#I will gaslight all of you into thinking that it always has been that way.#Walter is Barbs malewife. He makes himself look pretty for her.#ofc he is also a cold blooded killer but that’s fine#I swear I would defend anything. My man did nothing wrong and he is perfect.#what about hurting barb and Jim?- shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#he felt silly.#nah but for real It's nit normal how much I love this character#And for this ship
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good angel turns 7 goddamn years old on the 22nd I'm going to lose my head. did you know bad end is 6.5 years old. Did you know Angel radio is 8.5. Did you know I'm 27. did you know time continues ceaselessly forward and so do i
#do i need a writing tag#man. one day I'll do a video about being an author. a young author#not to sound too fanciful it's not a bragging point it's a 'I want to get out of here I want to matter if I just have a book I finally will#and then the follow up of oh wait. no. reality. time. time forever.#I think if I ever do reread AR I will crumble into dust and remember something forbidden like. it's that old#I hope GA/BE holds up. I loved it so much. I loved it a lot and hoped other people would as well. that's all faded but I hope it holds up#I am back on my sincerity BS with suncrab thank god but I really lost it a while ago. see: all my books are close in age#sincerity in a real.... “I love this I think it's good I hope you'll love it” genuine excitement I Want To Share way#whereas now I guess I'm still more afraid
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Lorah: Lilac Knight's Love
Artist: @littledashdraws
Wanted to share this commission by Dash, who so lovingly illustrated my vision for Gunter's first wife!! Although Lorah's lived in my head since 2017, this is the first time I've had her drawn. Because I'm so thrilled over this art, I put together a little introduction for her!! you can read more about her below~
Residence: Duet Mountains Occupation: Farmer •❀• Bedside Nurse •❀• Homemaker Birthday: July 11 Gender: Female Relatives: Gunter (Husband) Katerina (Daughter)* Personality: Shy •❀• Bubbly •❀• Optimistic Hobbies: Crafting •❀• Gardening •❀• Baking Age: 21 (when she first meets Gunter) •❀• 36 (at death)
A Nohrian commoner whose known the kingdom's southern mountain range and neighbouring valleys her entire life, Lorah was a recognizable resident of her town even though she kept to herself. Learning the basics of herbal remedies from a young age, she would split her time between tending to the fields and easing the woes of the sick. In adulthood, she would chance upon meeting a Nohrian Great Knight during her town's annual spring festival. The couple's engagement, after seven years of courting, had become one of the most highly anticipated moments amongst the townsfolk.
*NOT the Nohrian Queen. I named their kid before I realized what Xander's mom's name was and by that point I was already ATTACHED (tell me Caterpillar is not the cutest nickname). So now the reason they share a name is lore relevant (which is a part of this fic!).
divider by saradika
#fire emblem fates#feif#fe14#gunter#yeah sure this can go in his tag#fire emblem oc#paranoid over tagging her as an oc cuz. she does exist in canon. but also. canon gave us nothing!#i'd like to consider it free real estate for oc development purposes#also cuz if intsys ever does decide to publish details about gunter's family i would say:#what do you mean. i've been letting his family live rent free in my head for almost a decade.#ANYWAYS YES SHE'S A RED HEAD. who do you think i am. /of course/ im gonna make her a red head.#things about me: gunter i am also attracted to your wife. therefore: she is a red head. case closed.#HER LITTLE COWLICK I LOVE IT SO MUUUUUUUCH#also dash gave me the behind the scenes info that she and Leigh have the same eye colour AHA#sorry gunter you are bound by a cosmic fate to fall in love with a certain eye colour#this will come up in a future fic. im sure. the freckled shoulders are already going to >:3c#oh yes if anyone else is curious. i did in fact sit down and map out a timeline to get her age how i wanted it.#by my calculations gunter would have been ~28. they have approx. 15 years together before everything falls apart#their long courtship is important to me okay#anyways to end this off. MISS LORAH I LOVE YOUUUUU beautiful woman who has been baking in my head for over 7 years.#I am taking good care of your husband don't you worry!! the old man is getting all the love he needs#god I wish she could have seen him as an old man. GOD. I work so hard cuz I'm loving him for her and me!!!!!!#gunter (fates)#lorah (oc)#fef#gunter's family
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when i was a 15 year old egg i discovered the game Dragon Age: Origins bc a high school friend (a true cishet ally) told me about a video game in which you could be gay
i grew up poor and in the conservative south, so i had no game consoles other than nintendo ones, and every computer i had access to was a "Family Computer" that was in a heavily trafficked room that i had to share with everyone in the house. on top of that, if i asked for video games, my stepmom (number 3) would be upset at me for not asking for something more "mature" (read: feminine)
i didn't get to actually play the game until i was 18
that didn't stop me from watching all the gameplay videos i could find, from furiously trawling the wiki for content, and hunting down all the romance scenes with one specific character while constantly looking over my shoulder for my grandparents or siblings, because i didn't want anyone to see me watching no just Awkwardly Animated "Sex" Scenes Set To Weird Music, but Gay Awkwardly Animated "Sex" Scenes Set To Weird Music
that character was, of course, Zevran Arainai, and years before i was able to play the game and "meet" him myself, i kept the tab for his romance wiki page open in the browser in my computer class, on the desktop in my grandparents' den, peruse it in the dark of the night on the tiny screen of my shitty little 2009 slide phone
by the time i could actually play the game, i knew every decision i'd make, and i could run through Zevran's romance from start to finish with my eyes closed.
And now, once again, I sit here, furiously obsessing over a pretty fictional elf rogue, gnashing my teeth and chewing at the bars of my prison (no gaming pc or console) and furtively watching gameplay and romance videos and trawling his yet-incomplete wiki page in all my spare moments, even when i shouldn't be (at work) and maniacally plotting out how i will handle his romance when a fickle god finally grants me the means to make a little pixel man to kiss his stupid, smug little pixel face
time is a flat circle
#pidge speaks#how are we doin tonight y'all#because i am sinking further and further into madness#if i had a nickel for every time i fell in love with a pretty elf who threatened my life on first meeting#id have two nickels#which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice#ASTARION MY BELOVED#if god were real he'd suddenly drop 1000 dollars in my bank account so i could get a proper gaming pc and kiss astarion's stupid little fac#im legit going insane i dont think ive been this stupid of a fictional man since i was a teenager
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anyways sometimes i wonder if i'm meant to be connected with people. don't get me wrong i appreciate my friends, but like my quality of life wouldn't go down too much if i hadn't met them. i like digging information out of people. they lose a lot of appeal once i know too much about them. i don't really have any kind of interest in pursuing any kind of relationship with people, romantic or platonic. i could take people or leave them. dunno
#they're playing ahead by a century on the radio and it's great#i love the colour of that one. it's pretty much just a night sky. the instrumentals are a dark blue and the white stars#and his voice is a lovely green that makes me think of the northern lights#i know i talk shit but i don't think i could leave canada for good#might head further north eventually but i'll stay in the country#dunno i got some synesthesia that only shows up sometimes or some shit idfk man#though rn i am bitching about none of them understanding the situation from our (mine and my brothers) side#like yeah i know you guys have jobs.#are you trying to search for one for yourself?#while helping your parents business because if that goes under we're ROYALLY fucked?#while worrying about a buddy of yours genuinely going missing?#i'll b real he was a huge help by the end of that job once everyone else who liked me left#anyways#no? none of those apply? then shut the fuck up about us getting the dates wrong. we gave#god fucking dammit im trying to type and hit the wrong button im going to fucking make a bed with the fishes#yes we got the dates mixed up. cope. bitch. we have actual real life problems to deal with.#sorry our shit got in the way of your plans. i guess. still don't see why i had to apologise but maybe im just a genuinely shitty person#one self centered motherfucker#anyways thats my word vomit for the night. might delete l8r. dunno
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